|drift. search. find.
||[10. 03. 10|04:30 am]
Anyway, about my previous post...
you know, everyone kept telling me that i deserve better and all....but i dont know man.. maybe not.... cos truth is, it wasnt entirely his fault. i mean, talk about faults, i was the one who didnt want him in the first place and he left me cos he waited too long. So in actual fact, he was the one who deserved someone better than me.
Secondly, i was the one who kinda got in the middle of the two of them.. stepping on their tails, sending silly smses when i was drunk and all.. (i know, how stupid.) so you know, inevitably i kinda caused some form reaction to take place. okay, my bad. :( (but i still!!!!! didnt think it was necessary. there are so many other ways of handling it if these ppl were mature enough zzZ)
so really, what you see here isnt the full picture.. its just everything that has happened now and not 1 year ago. The previous post was purely targeted at what he did that day (which was so uncalled for) AND the last time when we met (when that psycho gf called to scold me)..and everything else he did that made me so maddd ever since we officially broke up.... but saying all that about him doesn't mean it nullifies everything that i have done before. it doesn't! Its more like, i was upset at the way he handled the situation, turned our 10yr friendship into something so sour becos of a new girlfriend, and changed so much into someone hardly even recognizable during these last few months.
all in all, despite all the f words i used on him, i didnt quite mean it in a negative way. it was just so i can vent my anger on the situation and how it was dealt with and Not so much on the person really.. cos truth is, i still care alot about him as a friend. i mean, with zero intention of getting back together, i just hope he looks into the mirror and sees how much he's changed (not for the better, but for the worst)... to see where he was and where he's at. (not that any of it was an achievement.) and that he would realise that apart from his GF, current uni and army friends (all of which who hasnt seen how he was like 2 to 10 years ago), he has drifted so far away from everyone else that he used to hang out with. be it in church, his secondary school friends etc. and all of whom who would have probably missed the old dajie so so much.
as much as i'm still angry and upset over the whole incident (that even tho i probably "deserved" such a treatment, he could have handled it better (okay i've said this tooo many times))...., it really hurts to have lost a friend that i was probably the closest to when i was growing up....its so not worth it really..... but ohwells.
i guess i've said enough. episode close.
for now, i have other things on my plate waiting for me to finish.. like alst, money, finding a job, making sure i get married by 25etc .. haha.. and honestly, i'll probably still think about it very often, remind myself of what could have been and have it affect me alot still (i'll be lying if i said i'm okay)..... but life goes on...! we wear more hats as we grow older.. and in reality, it never gets simpler and these hats will never grow lighter..but instead of dwelling of how much we have been through...we can do ourselves a favour and move on and take it as it comes, so make or break, its still parts and puzzles in life (hahaha sorrry, aubrey used that just now. "parts and puzzles" haha noob shit) anyhow.. so yeah. 明天会更好!!!! :) it never happens in real life, but we have to keep telling ourselves that somehow!!! (((although i must say i am realllyyy damn suay in the area or r/s. it never works out! when all i want is to find a guy that loves me and i love him and we get married mannn. whats so difficult! tsk okay.. off point.)))
but yes. GOOD LUCK everyone! haha good luck in facing all the shits that are coming your way!! 加油 加油! :)
P.s. jie jiet, if u see this, i'm sorry. didnt mean to scold u in the previous post. heh just do urself a favour and wake up ur idea k.